WHAT I LIKE TO DO

Some guy said I could discover my passion in 30 minutes if I listed everything I could think of:

- I don’t know if I’m passionate or just crazy but I will work at a software problem until I either get it fixed, or dissolve in frustration.
- I like to design things
- I like two draw out the designs figuring out the nuances and potential strategies as I go.
- I like to build things.
- I like to finish things (as in applying stain and varnish).
- I like to polish the website.
- I like to travel.
- I like to help someone to solve a problem, specially if I know how to do what they are having a problem with.
- I like to imagine things.
- I like to manipulate data - - without caring what the data represents.
- I like to observe scenery (to include nature and man made places like cities, industry or construction).
- I like to play drum set and percussion.
- I like to get finished packages together, thorough packages: as in reports, websiets, assembled items.
- I like to learn about endeavors that others do:  how they do t, why they do it, how they developed it, how they adapt it to different situations, what is the process.
- I like to be part of a team that functions well together.
- I like to act and do things the correct and moral way.
- I would like to protect and deliver others from suffering wrong.
- I like to discover more efficient ways to do things and write things.
- I like large construction projects:  bridges, ships, buildings, civil engineering projects (dams, roads, tunnels).
- I like to discover or develop better, more robust methods.
- I like to devise and construct things that benefit others (and myself).
- I like thinking type projects.
- I like railroads and trains.
- I like large machinery.
- I like being in the woods, country, seaside, mountains.
- I like boating.
- I like playing in music ensembles.
- I like geology.
- I like technical drawings, explanatory drawings in books, etc.
- I like to diagram things or ideas.

After all that, I still don't feel particularly passionate.  I guess passion comes in the moment, not as some sort of continual burning.

HAVE INFLUENCE?

I wonder how far my influence really reaches.  It’s difficult for me to think it reaches beyond my fingertips.  I suppose this is a very negative way to look at it.  Surely it does not reach if I am not among other people, either physically or verbally (phone), visually (YouTube), or other ways (in writing like internet, email or letters).

If I do not seek these things out - -  the ways of being among people - - I can not waste my time bemoaning that I have no influence.  If I do not try to make myself of consequence, then I will be of no consequence.  If I look in the mirror I should smile at myself because I am the only one who’s going to get it done.

I am a very valuable man:  Jesus thought so - - thinks so - - so don’t waste it.

Small dreams bring small results.  Big dreams bring big results.  No dreams bring no results.

CALLING TO READ

Have you ever seen a book on a bookshelf which is calling you saying, "Read me! Read me!"  If there is any book like that surely it is the Bible. It does actually do that.  There are many, many passages that call a person to read or hear its words.
   
When an individual regards the Bible as the word of God -- and reads it -- he forever becomes a different person.  Such individuals are catalysts of change for everyone about them.  The readers unavoidably influence even those who have no regard for the Bible as special.

Those cultures that have seriously regarded the Bible were changed at their roots by it.  As a result of that, every other culture in the world has been forever changed.

 Even the ones who hold to the view "there is no God" have been solidly and unquestionably influenced by the book about God -- the Bible.  If the no-god believers were to attempt to reverse the influence the Bible they would have to undo thousands of years of history.

Each man and woman has at their fingertips access to a huge bank account. It is a mountain of wealth -- the wealth of God's wisdom, instructions, and wishes for us. Yet not many have tapped this tremendous source of God-given wealth provided via his written word, the Bible. In it we can know who we are, why we are here, and where we are going. Few, however, actually read the whole book. Of those who have, not many have read it more than once or twice. Yet through the pages of the Bible God urges us to read. The Bible speaks in many places of man's need put in the time to read its words.

FOR RICHER OR POORER

Here are my ideas about why sometimes the rich get richer:
.
RICH GET RICHER - - - But POOR GET POORER.
.. Comes from wealthy family - - - But poor comes from poor family.
.. Taught how to handle money, assets - - - But poor not taught how to handle money, assets.
.. Has education, specially advanced education - - - But poor has No or little education.
.. Thinks of the future - - - But poor thinks only in the present.
.. Has positive attitude - - - But poor has negative attitude.
.. Keeps good company (i.e moral and like-minded friends and associates) - - - But poor keeps bad company.
.. Seeks competent advisers - - - But poor does not seek advice.
.. Has supportive, uplifting family - - - But poor has a non-supportive family.
.. Comes from stable community - - - But poor comes from unstable community.
.. Has some money or position from which to start and the vision to use it - - - But poor has nothing to start with and no idea of how to change.
.. From a community that seeks to advance it’s own (there are many good communities, but the Mafia would also qualify) - - - But poor from a community that seeks to keep it’s members at the same level.
.. Has helped and is willing to help others - - - But poor restrains self from offering help to  others.
.. Willing to accept help - - - But poor will not accept help.
.. Thinks about wealth a lot (perhaps to the exclusion of more important life/family issues) - - - But poor gives no thought to wealth.
.. Has fortunate time and chance - - - But poor has no luck (Not just the excuse, “I’m not lucky”, but actually is not in the right place at the right time..
.. Recognizes opportunity - - - But poor does not recognize opportunity.

STAR LIGHT, STAR BRIGHT

     Star light, star bright, I don’t know what I think I might . . .
I wondered today if the part of God’s attention toward us and the creation is not a very small part of the total of all that God pays attention to.  We think of his attention toward us as if that is all he has to do.  In fact, whatever part of his “time” he spends on us, however small,  is 100% of all the time we have.  We have our being in him, not he in us.  How can we hope to comprehend the boundaries of God?  Can we say things about him the way we so confidently say we know about distant stars?  We say how big they and how far they are and how hot they are and what they are made of by using only an infinitesimal speck of light gathered through a telescope and processed through a spectrometer.  We start with what we have in front of us on earth (as in helium gas and a prism) and presume the same rules apply uniformly throughout the universe. 

Starting with Copernicus it takes a large highly educated group of us many decades and millions of dollars to do it.

Unlike the stars, which hardly give us anything,  God has given us the Bible which provides us much more than a few bands of differing color.

GOD'S DIRECTIVES

There are several words that repeat in Psalm 119 that refer to how God provides us direction:

WORD . . . What God says to us either through writing (the Bible) or through someone else (an evangelist, pastor, friend, a book).

WAY . . . What we observe from what God says or how he acts.

PRECEPT . . . A principle prescribing a particular course of action or conduct.

COMMANDMENT . . . A direct instruction from God.  This can be in writing, as in the Old and New Testaments.  This can be spoken to an individual human or group.

LAW . . . A set of rules of conduct or procedures established by God or an authority.

STATUTE . . . A particular rule, perhaps part of a body of law.

ORDINANCE . . . A more refined part of a statute perhaps specific to an activity or a certain group of people.

JUDGMENT . . . An opinion that is expressed to further refine an interpretation of a law, statute or ordnance.  This also might be rendered by a judge in a courtroom or by a legislative body.

TESTIMONY . . . A declaration by an entity or witness about the meaning or effect of a law, statute or ordinance.  This can be given by God about what he himself has said or done.  Or it might be given by those who have been affected by a law, statute or ordinance.

DOWNPLAYING YOURSELF

(On October 2009 I wrote:)
You could not have persuaded me yesterday of anything positive about myself.  I would have had a negative answer for everything you said.  I was determined to believe myself worthless.

But why not be determined to find worth and value?  Why be determined to see the no value in a finite life.  Why not rather see its eternal value and consequence?

No matter what anyone thinks about your worth, God provided his life for yours even when you did not know about it.  He thought – and thinks – a lot about you.

It is an insult to God to denigrate what what he thinks and does.

STEP OUT OF THE PAST

Years ago I wrote in my journal:

Last night I had some trouble while going to sleep because my mind kept bringing up things I thought should not be in the mind of a godly man. These were thoughts of wrong sex, or of being violent, or of someone or group being violent toward me. I realized, "These are not the sort of thoughts God would want me to have." Then I said, "I do not want those thoughts". And then, "God, please help me to think good thoughts." I seem to run around this circle several times before I either go to sleep or I break into good thoughts.

Last night I tried to think, "What was there about my childhood that was happy or satisfying, fulfilling?" I could not think of one single thing.*

Apart from my Mother, I don’t think anyone cared if I was around.**

It takes a lot of hard work to undo some of the things entrenched from the past. No matter what in the past might have been happy and fulfilling, what matters most is: what is happy and fulfilling to you today? No matter who cared (or did not care) for you in the past, who cares for you now? Although the past has a hand in forming us, its grip is not so firm that we can not live in - - and change in - - the present time.

* Not exactly true.  In school, I found Band and Science to be fulfilling.
** As I became older, and became more of a person, and not an annoyance, the situation became better.

ALTERNATE BIBLE STORY INTERPRETATION

Its OK to interpret bible stories alternatively.  Some bible stories have an accepted, often repeated, interpretation.  But it’s a worthy exercise to think of an alternate interpretation.  Indeed, you may have never really accepted the “usual” way. For example, there is a “standard” way of perceiving Job's friends.  The usual is to say the "Friends" are not really friendly.  In fact they are glad about Job's calamities.  They are really competitive fault-finders.  They are seeking Job's downfall and don’t mind disheartening him.

If that’s true why would they sit with him for seven days?  Why would they come to see him at all if it was only to find fault?  They could find fault with Job easier by staying at the market place or at the bar.

But there is an alternate way to view Job’s situation.  Let’s suppose the friends are real and are concerned about his calamities.  Not knowing about Satan’s involvement they assume Job has responsibility.  They want to warn him.  By guessing at what may be Job’s faults they are really seeking to find a solution and rescue and uplift Job.

The story of Zacharias also has a standard interpretation.  People usually suppose he is a tax collector and therefore uses his position to rob others.  They say he is a sinner because they assume all tax collectors rob.  They extend this assumption toward Jesus. They think Jesus ought to know who and what this man is and therefore avoid, or even admonish him.

The alternate is to say, yes, he is a tax collector but that's just his job.  It’s a job like a farmer or a shop keeper has a job.  Being a tax collector does not automatically make him a robber.  Jesus knows that he is a man like any other and knows (because God knows these things) this man has a softer heart than most of the others standing about.

Sometimes it’s good to investigate an alternative view of the “usual” interpretation.  It may help us to expand our thinking.  But our motivation for this ought not to be for the purpose of making ourselves stand out from most other people in a thrust to be noticed. 

Often the “usual” interpretation is usually the best.

THE HERE NOW AND THE NOW HERE

Maybe life as I am experiencing it has an intimate connection to the spiritual world.  Jesus said something like:  “As I am in the father so are you in me;  as the Father is in me so am I in you”.  (Look at John 17 and preceding).  He was physically in the world (we could have seen him and touched him and heard him) yet he talked with the Father.  He said, “My Father and I are one”.

So that should be true between Jesus and us today - - we are in him and he in us.  We should treat our daily living as if we are also somehow also presently in heaven.  What if a veil could be pulled back and we could see the spiritual beings about as it was done for Elisha’s servant when he saw the heavenly armies?

How do I adopt an attitude of living my physical life and realizing, experiencing, that I am at the same time living the spiritual life?

I’ll bet we have been tricked into thinking that the physical is now, and the spiritual comes later.  Or we think that any spiritual event is unusual in the physical course of events.  What if the spiritual is coursing along at all times but we have made ourselves unseeing and unhearing toward it?  If everyone else chooses to be blind should we follow meekly along and be blind too?

What do I do to see?  What do I do to listen?

- - Keep looking to see spiritual things
- - Keep listening to hear spiritual things.
- - Keep reading the Bible and rehearse the passages that support spiritual intimacy and perception.
- - realize that “the kingdom is at hand” means it is at hand, it is here, it is a natural thing.
- - Realize your “natural” perceptions could well have a supernatural component.
- - Embrace your “natural” perceptions and ask God to show you what he wants you to supernaturally know.

ON FINDING OUT ABOUT CANCER

I wrote this in my journal on May 29th, 2007:

On 28th of  May I went to the emergency room of Dr. Philips Hospital for the rectal bleeding I had been experiencing.  The bleeding had been going on for about two weeks but on the 29th it was quite heavy.  That morning I was scheduled to fly to Texas for a week's worth of work but my wife and son demanded I cancel the trip and go to the hospital instead.  On Monday the 4th of June I was discharged with a diagnosis of an invasive carcinoma a short distance in on my rectum near the anus.

I saw my primary care doctor, Dr. Myer, for the first time on Tuesday 5 June and went back to work in the afternoon.  I am presently scheduled for a consultation with the colol rectal surgeon, Dr. Farrarra 7 June and a PET scan the afternoon of that same day.

I thought today how the lord has blessed me by giving me a job while this course of events is going on rather than be being retired and just doing hobbies.  It afforded me extra health insurance I would not have had.  The job and the exercise will (secondary to God’s work) help me to overcome this invader in my body.

I do not feel fear.  I do not feel apprehensive.  I do not question God.  I accept it as God’s plan for me.  Perhaps he has some wonderful and fruitful work for me to do and only this type of training can prepare me.  Maybe this is only to start my boys, my girls and my grandchildren thinking about how transient life is, and how grateful, appreciative and involved we should be in each moment of it.  We should maintain an awareness of how moment of this present life affects and flows into the next.

Perhaps I am dumb, not feeling fear, not being nervous or apprehensive.  But then how can “the peace that passes all understanding” be explained?

POINTS FOR ME AND MY BOYS

It’s OK to lose a few screw drivers along the way, but don’t be lax or foolish with your tools.
Try know what your gifts are and try to use them.
Develop the things you like.
Overlook being always right.
Learn how to be a good friend.
Protect the innocent and the weak
Develop your organizational skills; that starts with identifying what they are
Never stop educating yourself.
Be honest with yourself: when it hurts but also when it feels good.
Know how to perceive a wife.
Know what being a spiritual leader means.
Know what being a Father means.
Know what being a Son means.
Know what being a Brother means.
Know what being a Man means.
It is important to select and spend time with good people.
People who are not good affect what you set your goals to be.
Thinking type work always comes before labor type work.

CONNECTING THINGS

Everything is preceded by some other thing.  And everything I’m doing has something else coming after it.  What I’m doing has been helped - - or hindered - - by what I did before.  What I do now can help, or hinder, what I will be doing.  It’s like everything has sticky spider webs attached to it.

I am blessed because I can isolate myself in the moment.  I can ignore the spider webs.  I don’t agonize about what I did, or didn’t do.  I don’t fret about what is next.  Or, maybe, this is a non-blessing.  Maybe I should be thoughtful of how one activity connects to the next.

But on the other hand, I often don’t have the best I could have in the present because of what I’ve left out of what should have come before.  Also I don’t take the opportunity to set up for what is supposed to come next. If I did, it would make it easier for myself.

At the time of procrastination I could replace my for-the-moment self with a reflective, evaluative and forward looking, planning self. 

This would take place at a very time when I don’t want to make any changes.  Maybe I feel this way because I’m between two for-the-moment periods.  Since I am for-the-moment, and don’t presently have anything to do, I feel uncomfortable.

Yet my tendency is always to stay the same.  Changing from one thing to another is something I don’t want to do  - - I want to stay the same, stay the course, whatever it is.

THINKING OF VALUES

While I was still at work, I wondered if I was doing anything that actually had value.  I asked myself what could I write down to tell another of the value I added to a project or a task?  What would that paper say?  In the process it became apparent to me how valuable writing it could be. 

We often get a short distance in time from events and can not recite their true significance, we can not recall the value.  We forget.  If we do not spend some time in analysis, we fail to recognize important details, occurrences and aspects of the events we just completed.  Our memory fades with time.

Once I realized this I came up with three or four areas where my presence did add value.  I realized also there were other areas where I could have added value if events had been slightly altered.  I wrote a list of things to measure.  Measurable items are the ones to which you can assign quantities.  With the list in hand I had a record of my accomplishment and a device by which I could plan future strategies.

Such a list would be valuable to reinspect at later times to see if I could identify additional items to quantify or additional areas where my presence had an effect. Using such a list I could also analyze each task planned for the future to identify other possible quantifiable items.  I could ask each time:
- - What today can I quantify, can I add a quantifiable item to the list?
- - What sub tasks within a quantifiable item can I quantify?

Such observations must be written, kept and reviewed to have any value.
- - This would get me into the frame of mind to quantify things
- - This would help me identify what sorts of things can be quantified.
- - This would help me with the language of quantification:  what should I express, how should I express it?

KILL OR MURDER?

My wife recently wrote the following.  I liked it so much I decided to post it here:

"I like your inquisitive mind...and your question from Psalm 137:9...its still banging around in my head...

"The God of the Bible is not a god we can make up:

"In the Bible are two meanings for putting a person to death: (1) is to kill, (2) to murder. 

"Murder is a sin and God calls for the death penalty.  The other: to kill is the responsibility of a government or the military to dispense justice.  If we are sinned against, vengeance is God's option and He uses government to create law and order and to give us justice.  Our responsibility is not to seek vengeance.  Our job is to forgive...but, Roxy here is something helpful, I think:

"C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity has a freeing explanation of forgiveness:

" 'Does loving your enemy mean not punishing him? No, for loving myself does not mean that I ought not to subject myself to punishment - even death.  If you had committed a murder, the right Christian thing to do would be to give yourself up to the police and be hanged.  It is therefore, in my opinion, perfectly right for a Christian judge to sentence a man to death or a Christian soldier to kill an enemy....'Thou shalt not kill,' (Jesus)...There are two Greek words used in the New Testament for putting to death: the ordinary word to kill and the word to murder.  And when Christ quotes that commandment He uses the murder one in all three accounts...I am told there is the same distinction in Hebrew (in the Old Testament).  All killing is not murder any more than all sexual intercourse is adultery...'

"In Psalm 137, it is referring to justice: God is the One to handle it.  When we forgive we are not pretending we do not "see" the injustice, it is laying down our inclination to pay back.   Forgiveness (and I'm getting this understanding from C.S.Lewis chapter on forgiveness) is "fighting" the hate and hoping the person who hurt us will become a better person. Always remember:  "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." Romans_12:19

"One more thing:  Edom called for Jerusalem to be demolished (Psalm 137:7) (they ) were a historically evil enemy to God's people. Some people have darkened hearts...only God knows what their judgment should be."

LESSONS FROM WEIGHT LIFTING

I learned some things form the time I was doing weight lifting that apply to life in general.   Before going to the gym I apprehended the upcoming weight lifting sessions to be burdensome, threatening, worrisome and frightening.  The following contrasting statements show what I mean:

THOUGHT:  You think of how hard it will be to be under the weight.  REALIZED:  The point of lifting the weight is for it to be hard.  No effort = no adaptation.  When it is hard, it is good.

THOUGHT:  You wonder if you will fail.  REALIZED:  You may fail every once and a while.  You need to be close to that point.  You may not know where that pont is unless you fail.  When you experience failure you know where the point is, then in successive sessions you can come close to  but not cross over the failure point.

THOUGHT:  You wonder if your form will be bad.   REALIZED:  Some times mistakes in form teach what good form is.

THOUGHT:  You wonder if you will injure yourself.  REALIZED:  It is good to have the fear of injury, that keeps you in good form and not over trained.

THOUGHT:  You wonder if people will be in your way.  REALIZED:  If you are not in the gym you do not know how many people will be there.  In fact I found most of the time all has been clear.

THE BODY FOR LIFE CONTEST

Lizzie and I once participated in a physical fitness contest named “Body for Life Challenge”.   The goal was to build strength while losing weight.   We did not “win” but we learned many things more valuable than a trophy or lines in a record book.

While we were in the process of training, I wrote in a journal:
It was hard to get out to the aerobics today.  I wanted to make it an “easy” day, but thought, “this is a contest and you don’t win contests by doing things the easy way, the other contestants are not taking it easy.  They will gladly run past those who are taking it easy.  After you eliminate all the ones who take easy days you have left the ones who are trying hard.  These are competing against each other.  In this class you have to struggle and persevere to win.  It may be you are outclassed by some of the contestants but to assume so and let up on some of your own drive is to allow the others to run past you.  Until you are past the finish line you do not know who the winner will be.

In any case, the real challenge is to strive against your own limitations.  No matter what anyone else does you must run past yourself.  It’s a matter of ruling your body, your mind, your spirit, for these are what must be enhanced so that they can compete against any other.  If you do not master yourself you will overcome no other.  True, God may not have made your body like a professional athlete’s.  Perhaps it is physically impossible for you to win the Tour de France, or to finish the Iron Man.  But even if you could, you have to deal with yourself on a day-by-day, minute-by-minute basis.  It’s your reluctance, your tiredness, your pain, your exhaustion you must deal with and not the difficulties of someone else.  Only in dealing with yourself will you advance in dealing with others.

All this is also true for activities that relate to the spirit and to the character.  It’s you that needs to pray, it is you who needs to read the Bible, you who needs to reach out to others.

As I wrote that day I realized we were coming to the final push . . . “We only have three weeks left in the Body for Life Challenge.  From how we look right now it does not appear we will be in contention for any of the prizes.  Yet we dare not let up in any of our effort.  Who knows, the judges may select us for some reason.  It would be no comfort to have let up, let the contest end, and always know we did not put a hundred percent into it.  If we never hear a word from the contest officials, yet we tried until the last day, we will know we will have tried right until ten feet past the finish line.  Finish up, don’t wind down. 

TRAINING NEW CHRISTIANS

The value of a new, uninitiated Christian, one who has been saved from a background removed from church attendance, is that in his freshness, never being influenced by tradition, he can understand the Scriptures free of possible error introduced over the years by the tradition of men.

On the other side of that coin tradition built through the years by earnest men who have studied the Scriptures can keep new believers from wandering into erroneous territory.

To be protected from error one must read the Scriptures for himself.  Then he has some background against which he can compare to what his teacher is telling him.  It takes time to build up this background.  It also takes time to gain an apprehension of the organization behind the teaching.

A question worth asking is: “what does this man gain by teaching me this, does he have an angle or agenda?  Is the result of this teaching to advance the position or influence of the organization he represents?”

FARMER OR HERDSMAN

Noah believed God for things that had not yet happened - - things for which, I suppose, there was no indication they would happen.  But he thought those things so real he dared not go against them - - he feared God; he knew God would do what he said he would do.  His neighbors may have thought him a fool but Noah proved them foolish by his doing of the things God told him.  What God said happened. 

Was Noah a farmer or a herdsman, or both?  As a farmer it would have been easier for him to grow crops while the four men (Noah and his sons) built the ark.  If he were a herdsman he would have to move the flocks around to keep the pastures fresh.  This would have made the construction much more difficult.  In either case, he had to produce enough extra to fund their subsistence, materials and construction of the ark.  This indicates the possibility that he may have hired the work done from people from outside the family.

For such a large structure he and his sons would have needed plenty of “free time”, time away from providing subsistence.  Primitive construction techniques would also consume time.  Did they use contractors, suppliers?  If they did, they needed the funds to pay them.  They probably ran a very successful farm, or they had large flocks over wide areas with many employees to oversee them.

VIBRATIONS

We perceive vibrations at least two ways: as light and as sound.

The visual artist takes a paint brush and with thought and skill (little or much) captures the vibrations of light - - colors - - in a single place for us to view as a picture.  This static color show is concentrated in one place, with all the relationships frozen for a length of time - - as long as the picture lasts.  It is all concentrated in the picture, which does not change, which lasts for a while, and which many can see.  The viewers all see the same unchanging thing.  In a painting or photograph the sun does not rise or fall and nothing in the scene moves.

The sound artist works to produce interesting vibrations either by himself or with others.  But a single tone or note makes little sense until there is change in tone.  Even many voices together make no sense if there is only one tone.  A single note, or a single chord soon becomes boring; so movement - - rhythm - - progress from one tone to another is necessary.  When one voice moves to different tones it is melody.  When many voices move together it is harmony.  Melody and harmony each require some kind of rhythm or progress from one tone to the next.  Thus the progressing sounds must take up some length of time.  Once the time is done the work of art is finished - gone.

Visual and sound art are different.  Visual art is thin, it takes up only specific vibrations which do not change in relationship and which can last for long periods.  Sound is fat, it must take many changing vibrations and change in relationships which last for a specific length of time.  Paintings can hang in art museums for hundreds of years.  Once a music concert is performed it is over.