I HATED HIGH SCHOOL

TEENAGER
High School was an unpleasent time of my life. Except for band I didn't fit into any special group. I wasn't one of the tough guys, the bullies. I wasn't a sports guy. (Although I did run on the crosscountry team -- ANYONE could get on the crosscountry team. I rhink I must have joined because I thought I ought to be in a sport; the "all boys do" sort of thing). I wasn't one of the smart people, nor was I a dunce. I wasn't one of the vocational people and I didn't feel I was college material.

I was girl-crazy. What a waste of time that was! I stayed girl-crazy to a point way too late in life. If I could only could have channeled that energy toward more productive activities and toward more worthy people.
5/30/2012

BEING BULLIED

TEENAGER
For some reason I was easy to bully. I don't know why, I just seemed to draw it on myself. Maybe I didn't look like I would fight back. In fact, I would not have fought back because I didn't believe I should. I think the origin of that attitude would have been my Mother's teaching, it wouldn't have been my father's. (I don't remember any teaching from my father except, "don't join the armed forces", which, as you know, I did.)

I did not believe, and still don't believe, that brute force or intimidation should be used when some other way is possible.

One day I offended Billy Collins. I was a hallway monitor at the high school and made him walk around me the way I made everyone walk around me. My job was to make sure all walked around me on the proper side. Billy didn't want to do it. I said if he didn't I would report him. He told me he would see me outside after school, and he did. Billy met me and pushed me around right at the front entrance of the school. He tried to get me to swing at him so he could have a brawl, I suppose. I would not fight him. A whole crowd gathered around, boys and girls. Everyone watched, no one did anything except Billy Collins who punched me a couple of times. Billy and his tough boy friends were amused by the affair. I suppose the others were amused too.

I don't know how to think about this. Why should I even allow Billy a place in my memory?

As it was then, so it is now, that my deliverance comes not from strong-arming the Billy Collins's but by relying on the deliverance of the Lord. For I am indeed weak, but He (the Lord) is strong.

A couple years later I picked up Billy as he was hitch-hiking home. By this time he was in the Coat Guard and he was in uniform. He accepted the ride, but even then I don't think he was happy about it.
6/5/2012

ZACCHAEUS

Most people think of Zacchaeus was a thief and a scoundrel because he was a Publican. Most thought the all Publicans (the tax collectors) treated people unfairly. Maybe not. Many sermons I've heard portray him as a scoundrel. The assumption is repeated multiple times so that it seems to become "true". No one seems to question it.

While many others may have been scoundrels, perhaps Zacchaeus was not. Is every IRS employee bad? Are all government contractors bad?

Zacchaeus said to Jesus he would pay back four-fold IF HE HAD CHEATED ANYONE (emphasis mine). But Maybe he didn't have to pay back four fold because he did not cheat or overcharge people. Maybe he, unlike some others , did not abuse his authority. Maybe Zacchaeus said that openly in front of the crowd knowing no one could honestly claim to have been cheated.

Just because a class of people are assumed to be bad does not mean every member of the class is bad.

WORKING WITH DAD

BOYHOOD
I never felt close to my father, neither did I ever see that he expressed any affection toward me. He did, however, let me hang out with him when he did anything. He never showed annoyence and he never chased me away. When I needed help, like the time I had taken the front end of my car all apart, he would help me. He would Stay as long as it took.

ABOUT CHILDREN

CHILDHOOD
I think children can understand more than adults think they can. I think I could grasp the general content of what my mother was talking about. I remember her talking on the phone and she kept saying "my husband". I remember what she said was not very flattering of him.

BABY CARRIAGE

CHILDHOOD
I remember being rolled uptown in a baby carriage by my mother. Mrs. Lameroux stopped my mother to talk to her. She wanted to look inside the carriage. She looked in at me and seemed to be a little surprised. I think I must have been a little older and wanted my mother to treat me like a baby and get wheeled in the carriage. Hence, when Mrs. Lameraux looked in, she saw someone a little older than she was expecting. Or maybe my memory goes back that far and I was actually a baby.

PAUL McKENNA

CHILDHOOD
Paul McKenna was the only other kid my age that lived in my neighborhood. There was something wrong with Paul. Sometimes he would stand, do a sort of running-in-place, shake his hands and make funny guttural noises. I don't really remember, but I don't think he was mentally all there. He had the potential for being the butt of all sorts of cruel jokes. But my Mother told me, "You need to be careful with people like, Paul. They can not help who or what they are. Even if other people are bad to him you can not be. You have to stand up for Paul if he needs it."

I hope I didn't hurt Paul, but being a kid I'll bet I did.

I'm sorry, Paul.
5/11/2012

BILLY NOREN

CHILDHOOD
When I lived at 65 South Street I was friends with a kid diagonally accross the road. His name was Billy Noren. My Mother didn't like him much, but I did. Anyway, he was the only kid around I had to play with. I was too young to play with my brothers. They, and their friends, did not want to play with me. Once I was annoying David my brother and one of the Webber boys by following them around. They saw a chance for freedom. They gave me one end of a rope and told me to hold the other end. They started pulling me. They approached and entered the thicket of a very large lilac bush. What fun! I followed them right along. I was just about to enter the thicket myself when the tension on the rope stopped. I started to pull on it myself; I was going to be the leader now. It didn't take long to figure out the boys at the other end had disappeared.

So Billy was around and I played with him.
5/11/2012

BUSTER AND THE TOILET

[[ I ran across a bunch of old files that I had been putting together as part of an autobiography. I decided to post them here since it's easier than actually trying to think of something to write. Some have dates associated with them shown at the end of the items that had them. I don't remember what the date actually reflects; It doesn't appear to do with the actual date of authorship. ]]

CHILDHOOD
Buster, our mongrel dog, would come with us to our vacations to Maine. The house we rented on the island was on a wooded hill beside a river. This river was tidal, meaning that the water went toward the sea when the tide was going out, and went inland when the tide was coming in. Conditions were primitive for us and the neighbors. There was no running water. That meant that as well as using a hand pump to get water we also had to use either a privy outside, or a chemical toilet inside. Most used chemical toilets. When they got full the neighbors and we would empty them into the river when the tide was going out. Buster loved to swim. From time to time he would run down the hill and swim in the toilet effluent. That was bad enough. When he was through he would run back up the hill, stand close to anyone who was handy and shake himself, the way dogs do. We would watch him run up the hill knowing what he intended to do. We would point our finger at him and say (or yell), “Don't you do it Buster! Don't!” He didn't seem to understand. And he would do it.
5/17/2012

JOB APPLICATION WORDS

I wonder if any company could bear to write a job description for a position they want to fill without using the following words or phrases:

State of the art
World-class
Excellent
Exemplary
Highly engaged
Dedicated
Best possible
High quality.

While all this is nice, or even preferred, I'll bet the business world will keep on functioning when their job applicants lack most of these qualities.

BULLIES

There seem to be four groups of people: the Bullies, the Beautiful People (which would include the athletes), the Smart People, and All The Rest Of Us. If you take the fourth group, the rest of us, away, the only group that would suffer would be the Bullies because then they would have no one to bully.

The best thing that could happen would be the bullies would chew themselves up to oblivion.

Among some of the Beautiful People there may bully-like tendencies. Some, after all, are more beautiful or athletically skilled than the rest of us and want us to know and all about it.

Some Smart People really want all others to understand they are smarter and will attempt to demonstrate it.

Bullies are left-over Neanderthals who, because of their poorly developed and distorted sense of self-worth, feel they must force another to be under them.

USELESS OLD AGE

I recently have heard a statement similar to this:  "The older should step aside to allow the younger to fill his vacancy".  This suggests that older people mature into incompetence and raises several questions in my mind.  Am I in someone's way?  What process am I obstructing?  Is there a specific age where I crystallize into this obstruction?  At what age is the person of younger age being frustrated? 

If, in the past, I have been in the way it would have been nice to have been told.

If I am now in the way it would be nice to be told.

CHURCH MUSIC

Sometimes I find myself annoyed at church music which leads me to attempt the following definitions:
-- "Music leading":  Singer(s) performing the exact melody (note the phrase "exact melody") expected of the people being lead.
-- "Solo":  Lone singer singing melody with decorations as he/she feels inspired.  There is no expectation of leading the listeners while this is done.
-- "Dixieland":  An ensemble of 3 – 5 instruments simultaneously performing solo improvisations of the melody.  Note: Dixieland will always at least once clearly state the melody with all instruments in harmony.  This is done before the section using improvisation.
-- "Mess":  A group of singers, perhaps mixed with instruments, all improvising a melody together.
-- "Awful Mess": A group of singers, perhaps mixed with instruments, all improvising a melody together some out of tune.
-- "Dreadfully Awful Mess": A group of singers, perhaps mixed with instruments, all improvising a melody together all out of tune.

THERE IS EITHER MALE OR FEMALE

Here is a quote from Melissa Atkins Wardy as seen on Upworthy.com,  "There is no 'boy side' or 'girl side' to childhood," she told Upworthy, noting gender stereotypes can hinder a child's development by limiting their experiences. "Why would we tell a kid they can't like cars or pirates or fairies or pink?  . . ."

There is most definitely a "boy side" or "girl side" to childhood.  I would never want my male child or grandchild to have any confusion about his sex (operative words, "sex" and "he").  It would be no big deal to me if he liked the color pink, or green for that matter.

I would never want my female child or grandchild to have any confusion about her sex (operative words, "sex" and "she").  Incidentally my granddaughters less than six years old do like to play with the toy cars.  My older granddaughters actually drive real cars.

Physical hermaphrodites are extremely rare.  They are the only ones where the "girl side" or "boy side" issue may be confusing.

Most children are either MALE or FEMALE.  There is actually no shame in identifying yourself, or your child, as a MALE or FEMALE.  Nearly all adults and children know the difference. 

There is really no need to be afraid to tell a girl she is a girl, or a boy that he is a boy.

REPORT CARD

I saw three minutes of a PBS show where some rural Chinese parents had left their home to earn money to send back to the family.  Upon their return the first thing they wanted to see was the report card of their child.  The first thing they said was, "You were fifth in your class; why didn't you do better?"  I immediately felt sad and turned off the show.

What should have been the first emotion?  Should not it have been a gladness to see the child after being away?  They wanted the child to succeed (I suppose) but was their child's success only a token for their own success?  Was the only purpose of the child's existence to please the parents?

If I was the child I would have the deep feeling that no matter what I did it would never be good enough for my parents.  I would never really succeed.  Where do you suppose these feeling would lead?

I wonder what feelings the parents of the last place child had?

YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK

Here is a quote from Sidney Madwed, an American author:

"Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives."

To be fair I do not know the context of this quote, but what is it really saying?
Is the thinking that is going on in our subconscious - - that has no humor, cannot distinguish real and imagined, that may not know the difference between thought or image - - always going to manifest in our lives?  Do we have no control? 

Is the “subconscious” real, or an idea, a concept?  If we are not aware of it, how do we know if it really exists - - just because some say that it does?  What really happens before an idea can be sensed enough to express it - - to put it into words, or to draw a picture of it?  And once we can express the idea then do we not have control of it?

I think once we can express it we have control over it.  Therefore we can apply humor to it and tell the difference between it and reality.  Unless we are mentally ill we always have control over our thoughts and actions.  We have a large degree of control of what we know.

The “subconscious” is a blame-boy that’s too easy to use.

WARTIME

I was in the Vietnam War.  I went for two reasons: 1) I always wanted to sail on a big ship and 2) I would have been drafted and I wanted to serve in the Navy rather than on land or air.  I became a radioman on an Oiler, the USS Ponchatoula.  Our job was to refuel other ships off the coast of Vietnam.  These ships included aircraft carriers from which planes flew to bomb the Vietcong.  We operated day and night.  At night the planes would fly with their running lights on, dive down and drop the bombs.  You could see the flashes and a few seconds hear the boom-boom-boom.

I liked being in the Navy and liked the job I did.  I did not drop the bombs, but without my ship (and therefore me) the rest of the fleet could not conduct operations.  I was not, and am not, sorry for my Navy time.

When I got out I never talked with anyone about my Navy time because it appeared that most people did not support the war or our government’s participation in it.  It didn’t seem as if people believed this war accomplished what other wars have, like WWII, Afghanistan and Iraq.  I felt I would have little respect from most people for having been part of the military in the Vietnam era.

I am proud of, and thankful for, our men and women in the military.  I believe their work is keeping me and my family reasonably safe.

REALIZE YOUR BLESSINGS

I am realizing I am a blessed man this morning.

• I have a faithful (and faith-filled), loving, loyal wife.
• I have productive, upright sons who are high quality family men.
• I have no trouble paying all my bills, and no reason to think I might not become unable.
• I have survived colon cancer and am presently in good health.
• I am benefiting from a good education and good life-long work experiences.
• I live in a fine neighborhood and have peaceful neighbors.
• I live in the USA and benefit from it’s history, laws and traditions.
• But fundamental to all: I know who Jesus Christ is and what he has done for me and the world, and know what he will yet do. 

There are many other things I could also list.

MAN-IN-THE-MIDDLE

If you will notice, the Bible describes many times where God wants to directly use someone or to directly speak to someone yet the person (or group of people) want someone else between them and God, or them and the task.  You can see an early example of this in Exodus 4 where God wants Moses to speak to Pharaoh yet Moses begs off because he thinks he won’t be good enough for the task.  So instead of what God really wants, Moses to speak directly to Pharaoh, we end up with a man-in-the-middle:  Moses speaks to Aaron who speaks to Pharaoh.  Notice how Moses resists God:

"Exo 4:10  And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.
11  And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?
12  Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.
13  And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.
14  And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.
15  And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do.
16  And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God."


Another - - and sadder - - example is in Exodus 20 when God would have spoken directly to the people but they want Moses to hear what God has to say and come back and tell them.  Instead of the people hearing directly from God they make Moses the man-in-the-middle.

"Exo 20:18  And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off.
19  And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die."

This is what we tend to do in the Church; instead of listening to God ourselves - - through reading the Bible or prayer - - we put a man-in-the-middle.  We depend on the priest or pastor or rabbi, or a certain denomination or sect.  It seems easier to let someone else think for you than to think for yourself.  Other people are important to listen to - - and we should listen to others - - but we should not depend on others to be the-man-in-the-middle between us and God.

THE GRANDFATHER

As I was sitting on the front porch this morning a man pulled up in a black Mustang with a rumbling engine and dark opaque windows.  Who could be inside this car?  Was this a drug dealer?  Was his hair thick and black and combed back in greasy neat rows?  Did he have on a sports jacket concealing a .45 caliber?  Was he wearing sunglasses and did he have a smirk on his face?  What was he here for and who was he going to see?

Would it end well for the one he would visit?

Then - - -

The driver's door opened.  A grandfather got out to bring the forgotten lunch to his granddaughter at the school across the street.