ON FINDING OUT ABOUT CANCER

I wrote this in my journal on May 29th, 2007:

On 28th of  May I went to the emergency room of Dr. Philips Hospital for the rectal bleeding I had been experiencing.  The bleeding had been going on for about two weeks but on the 29th it was quite heavy.  That morning I was scheduled to fly to Texas for a week's worth of work but my wife and son demanded I cancel the trip and go to the hospital instead.  On Monday the 4th of June I was discharged with a diagnosis of an invasive carcinoma a short distance in on my rectum near the anus.

I saw my primary care doctor, Dr. Myer, for the first time on Tuesday 5 June and went back to work in the afternoon.  I am presently scheduled for a consultation with the colol rectal surgeon, Dr. Farrarra 7 June and a PET scan the afternoon of that same day.

I thought today how the lord has blessed me by giving me a job while this course of events is going on rather than be being retired and just doing hobbies.  It afforded me extra health insurance I would not have had.  The job and the exercise will (secondary to God’s work) help me to overcome this invader in my body.

I do not feel fear.  I do not feel apprehensive.  I do not question God.  I accept it as God’s plan for me.  Perhaps he has some wonderful and fruitful work for me to do and only this type of training can prepare me.  Maybe this is only to start my boys, my girls and my grandchildren thinking about how transient life is, and how grateful, appreciative and involved we should be in each moment of it.  We should maintain an awareness of how moment of this present life affects and flows into the next.

Perhaps I am dumb, not feeling fear, not being nervous or apprehensive.  But then how can “the peace that passes all understanding” be explained?