My hearing has the affect of making me a person alone though amid a group of people.
HIGH VOLUME - - Oddly when the volume is high it grates on me rather than making it easier for me to hear. It is difficult for me to to filter out what is noise and what is being sung or played or spoken. This is true particularly if there is any reverberation, as being in a large room or when (as in church music) the audio man adds reverberation because he has a fondness for the affect. When this happens in church I find myself in a fit of negativity. I must endure it while all the others enjoy it. If I can not endure I must stand outside until it ends. The effect is to isolate me, to make me alone in the room, apart from the experience of the others.
IN A GROUP - - It’s the same way at a small group or with the family. If I can not catch on to the subject, or make out what they are saying, I just have to wait until they are done and try to catch on to what comes next. I am just taking up space. I am not invisible because they can see me, I am physical because they can not pass through the space I am occupying, but otherwise I am just not there. I have to wait until they are through. They think I am participating but I am not. They think I am having a similar experience as they, but I am not. This is exacerbated when many are talking at once and I am not standing close to the talker or the talker is not talking directly to me. Functionally I am alone in the room, all by myself, until the others get through.
