For some reason the other night, I
remembered the time a teacher (who I can see, but not remember the
name) said to my mother that I “had a flare for writing”. I did
with that statement as I have done with so many other similar
affirming statements about me: I blew it off. I said to my self,
“she's just saying that to flatter. She doesn't really mean it.
She's saying what she wishes, not what is.”
Once I remembered that event I said
“Why do I always disallow or minimize the good things that are said
about me?” It is a bad habit. I ought rather to appreciate the
positive things. I ought to try to own them and build on them. I
ought to improve myself in that way that is spoken. I ought to
believe that I am “that way” and that I can do “that”.
I am tempted to doubt, to say “What
if I am not 'that'?” Well, If I'm not “that” I won't be able
to do “it”.
But it is more honorable to discover
“it” while being positive, trying and hoping. How can it be
honorable by never starting the thing because I think “What if I'm
not”? How can it be honorable never try 100% and only give 75%?
50%? 5%?
[[ Lord please help me to put away from
me my disbelief in myself. Please help me to appropriate the “good
works which you have before ordained that I should walk in them”
Help me to recognize the “goodness and mercy which shall follow me
all the days of my life.” After all, I am dwelling “in the house
of the Lord forever”. How bad can the be - - rather, how excellent
that is. ]]
